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  “I’m worn out, all right? Isn’t that what you and Ezra had planned?” She leaned back against a log, and closed her eyes. “I’m covered with dried sweat, my feet hurt, I have sunburn on my face and my hands feel like someone is poking pins and needles into them. I would drink this lovely cup of coffee you just gave me, but I fear my arms won’t move.”

  She opened her eyes and gazed at Davis. “And if you keep looking at me like that, I will embarrass you, and myself, by bursting into tears. Does that answer your question?” Despite her best intentions her voice quivered, and she barely got the last few words out.

  “Let me ask you something.” Davis took a sip of his coffee. “Is the thought of marrying me so horrible that you’d rather suffer through all this?”

  She inhaled deeply, fighting the tears rising in her eyes. “I have nothing against you personally. Truly I don’t. You seem like a nice enough man, but I really don’t know you. However, that aside, it is my intention to return to Indiana when we reach Oregon. So you see I can’t get married. Not to you, not to anyone.”

  Davis put his cup down and reached toward Emma. He put his fingers gently under her chin, turning her head until he looked directly into her eyes. “What makes you think you’ll be able to get back to Indiana once you reach Oregon?”

  “I’ll hire someone, sell my wagon, and do whatever I need to. I will go back to Indiana.” Her words were not as forceful as she intended. Looking directly into Davis’s eyes with the firelight dancing in front of them made it difficult to catch her breath. Her heart pounded, but she attributed it to her annoyance at having to explain herself.

  “Ah, darlin’, you won’t be able to do that. Once you’ve finished this trip, believe me, there is no way you’ll want to set out again.” He began to slowly rub his thumb over her chin. “I hear Oregon is a fine place to settle.”

  “I want to go back to Indiana.” Emma jerked away from his touch. “I was happy there.”

  Davis stretched one leg out and drew the other one up, his wrist leaning on his bent knee. “You were a little girl in Indiana.”

  “I was not. I was a married woman.” Emma wiped the corners of her eyes.

  “Yes, darlin’, you were indeed a married woman. But you were still a little girl.” He drained the coffee, stood, and tipped his hat before disappearing into the darkness.

  Emma stared back into the fire. She was not a little girl in Indiana. She’d had her own house that she took care of by herself. Meals were always on time, the laundry done, the garden tended to. Mr. Cooper didn’t know her, know what her life in Indiana had been like. If only Peter had been happier, she wouldn’t have had to leave her parents. She sighed and groaned as she rose. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be.

  Just as she kicked the last bit of dirt on the campfire, Sarah, lugging Stephen, wandered into her camp.

  “Hi, honey, how are you doing?”

  Emma blinked furiously, refusing to let the tears burning her eyes fall. “I don’t know what to do. Davis was just here and he still thinks we should marry. Besides the fact that we’re virtual strangers, I want to go back home when this nightmare of a trip is over. I can’t get married again.”

  “Oh dear. I understand, but this is just the first day of being on your own. Look how tired you are. Do you really think you can do this for another four or five months? Be realistic, this is much too difficult for a woman alone.”

  “I know, Sarah,” Emma sighed, “but I can’t get married again. I just can’t.”

  * * *

  It didn’t seem possible, but the next day was even worse. Emma barely got bacon cooked and coffee made when the wagons started to roll. She threw everything into the wagon, doused the fire and ran to get her oxen. Tugging, pulling, and sweating, she dragged the first one, then returned for the other. When she turned around the first one had followed her to his comfortable spot, and began to munch on the grass again.

  As she arrived at the wagon with the second ox, she heard noises behind her. She turned and narrowed her eyes at Davis pulling the first ox along. What was he doing, watching her every move? Her annoyance quickly faded, and she smiled gratefully in his direction. Within minutes Davis had both oxen yoked. He tugged at the brim of his hat, mounted his horse and was off. Emma grabbed hold of the animals and trudged forward.

  Two hours into the trip, Ezra halted the wagons and passed word down that they were entering an area where there was a slight downhill incline. Since none of the wagons had brakes, either chains would have to be fastened to one of the wheels, or a log had to be tied to the back of the wagon to slow it down.

  Emma rummaged around in the wagon looking for the chains she knew Peter had brought with them. She tried to move a barrel to look behind it and banged the drum against her foot. Yelping and hopping up and down as much as she could in the small confines of the wagon, Emma let out a curse word she didn’t even realize she knew. She located the chain and dragged it out. Up and down the row of wagons men worked on their wagons to make them safe to travel downhill. Not seeing Davis anywhere, she attempted to wrap the chain around the front wheels. She no sooner got the chain wrapped then Jeb came along.

  “Emma, that’s not where you put the chain.”

  “What do you mean; I thought it was wrapped around the wagon wheels.” She grunted as she moved her stiff muscles to rise from the ground, wiping her forehead, and brushing her dress.

  “Yes, you do wrap it around the wagon wheels, but you need to put it on the back wheels. You want to slow the wagon down, not flip it over. Here, let me help you.” He bent and undid her work.

  * * *

  Emma had never prayed so hard in her life. She tried to steer the wagon down the incline, but even with the chain wrapped securely over the back wagon wheels she felt completely out of control. Gritting her teeth she pulled again on the reins, trying desperately to keep the wagon from careening down the hill. Panting, sweating profusely, she ended up standing on the front seat, pulling hard with both hands on the reins. Eventually the wagon reached a flat surface and she sat down. She put her hands over her face and burst into tears.

  “Emma.” That voice again.

  Where was he when I was desperately trying to kill myself and the oxen?

  “What?” She wiped her face and glared at Davis.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help ya, darlin’. Ezra had me up front supervising the wagons coming down the incline. Do you want me to take the chain off the wheel?” He jumped from his horse as he spoke. Emma looked down at him and nodded. She clutched her body as it shook uncontrollably. Davis went around to the back of the wagon and took the chain off. He dropped it in the wagon and returned to her.

  “We’re going to take a short break now.” His eyes narrowed. “Are you all right?”

  She continued to stare at him, unable to form words.

  “I think you ought to take a rest in your wagon. You’re looking a bit poorly.”

  Emma studied him for evidence of laughter in his eyes. She couldn’t stand it if he laughed at her right now. Instead, she saw sympathy and something else she couldn’t identify, an intense regard that had her heart speeding up again.

  The racing heart, combined with a lack of food, fatigue, and worry over the incline caused things to look fuzzy. Then there was a loud buzzing in her ears as she tumbled off the seat and toppled to the ground as Davis reached out and grabbed her.

  When Emma awoke she was lying flat on the ground with a wet cloth over her forehead. Davis was kneeling next to her, concern written on his face. Sarah and Ezra stood behind him.

  “Oh, thank goodness, she’s awake.” Sarah exclaimed.

  “What happened,” Emma asked as she struggled to sit up.

  “Whoa, little lady,” Ezra said as Davis put his hand gently on Emma’s shoulder to keep her from getting up.

  “Just give yourself a bit of time before you go hopping up,” Davis added.

  “I’m fine, really,” Emma said, “I think skipping br
eakfast was not a good thing. I’ll be right as rain in no time.”

  Davis accepted a cup of water from Sarah and held it to Emma’s lips. He put his hand behind her head to help her drink. She took a few sips. “Thank you.”

  With Davis’s help, she sat, and then stood. Sarah’s husband Buck had joined the group. Feeling rather silly by this time, Emma assured everyone she was just fine and they could go back to their wagons. Everyone left except Davis.

  “How long are you going to keep this up?”

  “I’m fine, really, I’m fine. I just need a few minutes, and maybe while we take a break, I’ll get some of the breakfast I missed and sit for a while.” She attempted a smile, not sure she quite made it.

  “All right, I’ll let you be.” Davis started back, then turned. “Oh, just one more thing, darlin’.”

  “What?” Emma said, suspicious of the grin on his face.

  “You might want to wipe the mud off your face.” He tipped his hat and walked away.

  7

  Davis did the best he could over the next few days to help Emma, but Ezra remained adamant that Davis could not spend time at her wagon.

  “Boy, I told you to stay away from the Thorpe wagon. If that unreasonable woman wants to do everything herself, then so be it.” Ezra spat out a wad of tobacco from the side of his mouth.

  Hands fisted at his hips, Davis glared at the wagon master. “This can’t continue, that woman is worn out.”

  “That woman is stubborn, is what she is.” Ezra’s face took on a red hue.

  “So what are we going to do, let her kill herself trying to do it all?” Davis leaned in, his jaw clenching.“

  She’s the one who decided she could do it all by herself. Let her stew a bit,” Ezra shouted back.

  “Stewing is one thing, this is inhuman.”

  “Why are you so all fired up about her? It’s you she’s refused to marry.”

  “Did you ever think it was too soon after her husband’s death? Maybe she just needs a breather.”

  “When we’re out here on the trail, there’s no time for breathers. She needs a man to help her with that wagon, and until it sinks in, you stay away from her.”

  Davis smacked his hat against his thigh and stomped away before he hit someone.

  * * *

  Ezra called a meeting of the emigrants to discuss the crossing of the river the next day. Emma trudged to the meeting place, taking a seat next to Sarah and Buck. Jeb, Elizabeth and Abigail sat closer to the wagon master in the circle surrounding him.

  Before the meeting started, Davis left Ezra’s side and came over to sit beside Emma. She was glad for his company, but still felt a little unsettled when he was near her. She smiled at him, then returning her gaze to her lap, picked at a loose thread in her apron. Davis put his warm hand over hers to stop the movement. Once she stopped, however, he kept his hand there.

  “Well, folks, this is an important meeting for y’all.” Ezra began. “Tomorrow we’ll be crossing our first river on this journey. This is a small river, and although there’s always a chance it would be shallow enough to just walk across, due to recent rains it appears we have to do a full crossing. I need y’all to make a wax paste to smear on the outside of your wagon to help it float. We’ll let the animals walk across and float the wagons behind them.

  “I’ll give you plenty of time to get ready in the morning. Y’all need to be up at first light to get started. If we move along we should all be able to cross in one day. Then we’ll rest on the other side of the river for a day. Since that will be Sunday, Jeb Preston has agreed to hold a service, and allow the women to do laundry and bathe. Anyone have questions?”

  “Ezra.” Emma raised her hand. “Exactly how deep is the river?” Small licks of fear rose up as she recalled almost drowning as a child. “And, is there a swift current?”

  “No, Miz Thorpe, it’s not too deep. In fact your wagon may not even float; we’re just taking these precautions. The water is moving, but I wouldn’t say there’ll be swift-moving currents.”

  A few other questions kept the group there until dark. When all the doubts and uncertainties had been laid to rest, Ezra called an end to the meeting and the group broke up. Emma walked back to her wagon with Elizabeth and Abigail.

  “Emma, I’m concerned about you crossing that river by yourself.” Elizabeth linked arms with her as they walked.

  “Frankly, Elizabeth, so am I, but if it’s not too deep, and too swift, I think I’ll be all right.”

  Silence descended on the trio as they continued on their way, each absorbed in her own thoughts about the river crossing the next day. They soon parted ways as they headed to their own wagons.

  Emma stopped near her wagon as Abigail and Elizabeth strolled away and continued to speak. “I really wish Emma wasn’t so stubborn,” Abigail said. “These kinds of marriages take place all the time. She needs the help, and her resistance is going to bring her harm I’m afraid.”

  “What I don’t understand,” Elizabeth added, “is why Ezra is allowing her to go it alone. I thought no female without a family member was allowed?”

  “You’re right, but Jeb told me the reason Ezra is allowing this is to impress on Emma that she needs a man. Besides, he can’t just put her off in the middle of nowhere, anyway. She’ll come around; it won’t be long. She’s looking mighty tired.”

  Emma stood still, absorbing the women’s words. So this was Ezra’s way of bringing her around. She waited for the anger to rise at his machinations. The only feelings she could conjure up were worries about tomorrow, and an overwhelming sense of fatigue.

  * * *

  A shrill whistle woke Emma. As she remembered today’s river crossing a wave of fear washed over her. She crawled out from under the wagon into total darkness. Her stomach churning, she splashed water on her face, and attempted to convince herself she could do this. The wax paste she’d mixed up the night before lay alongside the wagon. With shaky hands, she smeared it on the cracks in the sides to help make it watertight.

  Emma glanced up from her work to see Davis making his way along the row of wagons, offering encouragement, and checking that each wagon was ready for the crossing.

  “You gonna be all right?” After checking her wagon, he stood over her, his broad shoulders blocking the barely visible sun from her face.

  “I think so.” She was appalled at how close the tears were.

  He reached out and cupped her chin, then shook his head and walked away.

  She touched her face where his hand had been. Warm and strong, just like the rest of him. Emma continued to view Davis as he stopped and spoke with each family. Brown curly hair hung over his collar. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows, leaving his muscular forearms, dusted with fine hairs, exposed. The sound of his laughter echoed over the area as he slapped one of the travelers on the back, and continued on.

  Emma returned her attention to her wagon, her stomach clenching once more at what she faced. Alone.

  The sun was still low in the sky when the first wagon crossed the river. The animals swam over and the wagon floated, just as Ezra said. Emma’s wagon would be the eighth wagon to cross. She hadn’t been able to choke down any breakfast due to her anxiety.

  She stretched up on her toes, searching for Davis. She spotted him on the other side of the river, helping the wagons and animals out of the water. Taking a shuddering breath, she relaxed a bit after seeing him, hating that the sight of the man calmed her.

  Around nine o’clock, Emma’s turn came. Scouts on her side of the river grabbed the oxen and steered them into the water. Perched high on the wagon seat, Emma slowly eased the wagon into the river. It did seem to float, but the water moved much faster than she thought it would. Panic set in when her wagon seemed to tilt to one side. She slid over to balance the weight, but it righted itself at the same time, and sent Emma tumbling off the seat into the water.

  Water engulfed her, and the old terror of being underwater rushed b
ack as she floundered, trying to grasp onto the wagon wheel. She slid underneath the vehicle, the rushing water forcing her away from it. Her heavy skirts dragged her down, and she tumbled along, scraping her limbs on rocks. In her fear, she didn’t know which way was up. Each time she surfaced, she gulped for air, and took in water at the same time.

  Within minutes strong arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her up. Breaking the surface once more, she sucked in air, and frantically tried to grab onto the solid strength that held her. Davis flipped her onto her back, then with one arm wrapped tightly under her breasts, dragged her toward the shore.

  A crowd had gathered, watching anxiously as Davis pulled Emma out of the water. Two men had gone into the river, directing her wagon to shore. Davis tugged Emma to the bank and collapsed alongside her, gasping.

  Emma rolled to the side and vomited. When there was nothing left to bring up, Elizabeth handed her a cloth that she used to wipe her mouth.

  “All right, folks, let’s break it up and get the rest of these wagons across.” Ezra shouted and waved everyone away. “You all right, little lady?” He leaned over her.

  Emma kept her eyes shut and nodded, tears running down her face. She continued to drag in lungsful of air. She coughed and gagged, but didn’t throw up again. With a shaky hand, she pushed stringy wet hair off her face, and glanced at Davis sitting alongside her, watching her carefully.

  She covered her mouth with her hand, and shuddered, the fear of the river gripping her once again. Davis pulled her into his arms, and she sobbed and trembled, grasping his solid form with stiff fingers. He rubbed circles on her back, both of them dripping water onto each other and the ground around them. Sounds of men shouting, and animals braying filled the air as they sat there, clinging to each other.

  “Darlin’ you gave me a scare that time.” Davis spoke softly into her hair.